GRIEF AND LOSS

Grief is a normal and natural reaction to suffering a loss of any kind. Grief happens when there are conflicting feelings. For example, when someone dies, we may feel glad that their suffering is over but we would also feel pain that we will not be able to see them again.

When we think of grief and loss, we often think of death. However, there are many losses that we experience in our lifetime, that many of us do not acknowledge as a loss. Some common loss experiences are divorce (for all parties involved, including children), major health changes, a relationship break-up, financial problems, moving, graduation, marriage, having children, or retirement. Even happy occasions can bring about feelings of grief - grieving the loss of friends when graduating, or loss of time for yourself when you have a child. In addition, we also grieve when we experience loss of trust, loss of safety, loss of control of one’s body (e.g. physical or sexual abuse) or loss of autonomy.

Grief and loss experiences are often not talked about in many cultures. When we experience a loss, we are given messages by well-meaning loved ones to “Stay strong”, “Don’t cry”, “Be thankful for what you have”, “He/She is in a better place”, “Time will heal”, and this list can go on. We ourselves may say similar things to ourselves – “I can’t afford to fall apart”, “Chin up and get your act together”. This is because we have been taught from a young age that sad and painful feelings are not appropriate. These feelings also make us and others very uncomfortable and so it is often easier to just try to push them away and keep going on with life.

It is important to recognize and acknowledge these loss experiences. They would have had a significant impact on your life, the way you think and feel and your relationships.

I hope to create a safe space to talk about the sad and painful thoughts and feelings that come up for you, to find a way to make room for those feelings and to complete what was unfinished for you in that relationship loss. If you are grieving a loss and need some support in working through your grief, please book an appointment here.

(Credit: The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman)